The body, the mind, the temptation, the greed, the want, the loss.
To talk joy in each moment. To be grateful about each event and situation. Each night that I’ve lost to thought. Each day that passed in a daze.
They can’t be caught and relived. They are lessons to greet the next ones with fresh and alert eyes.
Wild passion will get you there but you’ll have your eyes closed. The memory committed for just a brief gasp. To recollect? Impossible.
To slowly burn your connection into wood. To mark it as a route of your attention means you’ll notice each step, each moment a careful placement towards your desired destination.
To live too clean, too pious, too sweet, too proper is to remove pleasure. And pleasure without craving can and must be enjoyed. Pleasure and purity are not mutually exclusive.
Funny how greedy I got.
A Nobel silence or not it was a moment in my time I can never forget. My tongue wasn’t around to participate but my body felt every single moment.
This too shall change.
It is so funny how in a few short weeks it all turns around. I’ve noticed how I have a habit of only journalling when I am down. My diary pages are filled when my heart is at its most broken. I aim to fix this by writing more when I am up.
The up came from a bit of time away from my recent heartbreak. Enough to have some clarity to contact them and feel gratefulness for the connection and not anger that my expectation hadn’t been met.
I took some time to travel in my country and see new countries. A weekend and then a week, it wasn’t long but it was perfect to shake off the feelings of unworthiness. Just smiling at strangers and having one returned gives me so much of a lift. I feel so privileged to be able to have this experience.
Dancing on the beach, in the woods, with strangers and a kindred soul. The kindness of new friends, and the chance to be kind to them. Short and sweet with a bracing lover. I can’t ask for more.
Now that I have reconnected and I feel my brain try and wiggle more from this person who caused me to break my heart, I must stand strong and fight against the inevitability of relapsing. To fall in love all over again. I refrain from saying that I want to kiss their lips while I run my hand through their hair. These words are not met with the reaction I want and don’t serve me if spoken.
Contentment is here.